Ambition - You Bitch!

It stomps all over you with the politeness of King Kong, takes you to all new highs, leaves you breathless and dizzy, makes you tremble, makes you smile, makes you sob, makes you repent, makes you forgive, gives you endless power and snatches away your dignity.

LIFE is probably the only legal drug around!

I was probably ten when I was first asked to write that essay which made its appearance through all my school years under the names of "My ambition in life" to "My goal in Life" to "What I would like to accomplish in life". As I moved from the age of ten to twenty, I began with wanting to be a pilot to wanting to become a teacher to even wanting to become a rock-star. Then there was the stereotypical doctor to a flight attendant to an actor. Its been fourteen long years since when I was first asked that question and my answer is amazingly as unsure as it was back then.

I envy those who know what they want out of life. They're clear, they work for it and some even achieve it. Creative writing happened to me. I didn't plan it and I never pushed for it. It just happened the way one falls in love. A million explanations couldn't possibly justify a why.

I now love what I do and I do what I love. I'm still as confused today when someone asks me "so what's your ambition in life?" I wonder if its professional to say that my ambition is to be as happy ten years down the line as I am today. I wonder if its okay to say that my ambition is to be as whimsical and free spirited and love life the way I did when I was ten. I wonder if its okay to say that my ambition is to remain happy!

It's okay to not know what you want out of life, not have an ambition - so long as you are rightly justifying the lack of knowledge; so long as you are continuously exploring, searching and digging deep for that answer.

Ambition is that quest which doesn't limit you to one goal but empowers you to try a million. Success comes to those without regrets, to those willing to experiment. Life has only one condition attached to it - that you live it. HOW YOU WISH TO DO IT IS WHAT DEFINES YOU!

Lost

I'm lost, I'm hurting and I think I'm doing the right thing. Its been 2 years and 5 months. We clung together, tried to work it out.. but the fights increased and Ive never been so low on self confidence. Everything seems to be my fault. He thinks so, his friends think so, even his sister who I'm crazily fond of thinks so!

I can't stand the tiniest things that make him who he is and vice-versa, yet I've never been treated so wonderfully by anyone else before either. No one apart from my mother could read me the way he did, who was so sensitive to every expression of mine.

Oh, what am I doing? Am I right in giving all this up? People think he's perfect for me..not his people just mine! but that's the way I always portrayed him to them. I know the truth. I know how hard we have to work to keep things going. When things were good, they were excellent but those instances slowly became fewer and fewer till we had nothing but the fights left.

Will he be happier now? Without me? Will things get better for him? I hope so! I really do! I want him to be happy. I wanted him to be happy with me too but things just don't work out the way you want them to.

Life goes on... He'll heal; I may take a while more to heal. I wish he'd realise I'm not such a bad person, that I care for him deeply, that I said what I said because I was so in love with him and I wanted the best for him.

Life goes on.. I'm a survivor and I have the Lord guiding me.. slowly, softly and gently. As long as he is there, there is nothing I cannot survive!