Lost

I'm lost, I'm hurting and I think I'm doing the right thing. Its been 2 years and 5 months. We clung together, tried to work it out.. but the fights increased and Ive never been so low on self confidence. Everything seems to be my fault. He thinks so, his friends think so, even his sister who I'm crazily fond of thinks so!

I can't stand the tiniest things that make him who he is and vice-versa, yet I've never been treated so wonderfully by anyone else before either. No one apart from my mother could read me the way he did, who was so sensitive to every expression of mine.

Oh, what am I doing? Am I right in giving all this up? People think he's perfect for me..not his people just mine! but that's the way I always portrayed him to them. I know the truth. I know how hard we have to work to keep things going. When things were good, they were excellent but those instances slowly became fewer and fewer till we had nothing but the fights left.

Will he be happier now? Without me? Will things get better for him? I hope so! I really do! I want him to be happy. I wanted him to be happy with me too but things just don't work out the way you want them to.

Life goes on... He'll heal; I may take a while more to heal. I wish he'd realise I'm not such a bad person, that I care for him deeply, that I said what I said because I was so in love with him and I wanted the best for him.

Life goes on.. I'm a survivor and I have the Lord guiding me.. slowly, softly and gently. As long as he is there, there is nothing I cannot survive!